Strengthening the Family and its Values

The family is one of the oldest institutions of society and is as old as humanity itself. The family is the basic unit of the Church & society; as a matter of fact, church is the family of families. It is also the basic community from where we understand the global world.

In all centuries, the family has faced the stresses and strains of life. Lifestyles (of each family) are tailored according to these experiences within a given culture and space. As we tend to classify the human society of the East and the West, we are also conscious of the varieties of lifestyles that human families have in different continents.

Today we live in a global world. Travel and migration have become very common. So, in a given geographical area, there is plurality of lifestyles, embraced and exchanged according to one’s taste and need. The rapid changes that are taking place around families are shaking these close-knit relationships within the family. We are all too aware nowadays of the fact that a number of families end up in divorce or dysfunctionality. Families can have strong foundations only when they rest on the eternal values of the Kingdom of God like Justice, Love, Reconciliation, Peace and the like.

The role of family in the Church and society is so deep and strong that it becomes the crucible where the future generations are molded. The interrelationship between family members and the very atmosphere of the family has far reaching consequences for the lives of its members. Children born and brought up in a family grow up with what they see and experience in their family.

The family rests on relationships. A group of people merely living under the same roof will not necessarily comprise a family. The family setup becomes real only when members are related to each other and they play their respective roles as determined and given to them by God.

God is the Creator

God designs every family. He must be at the centre of each human family. Unity within the family crumbles when God is taken away from the family and different spheres of life. The very Godhead is understood as God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This is the model for all human families. Jesus Christ lived amongst humanity, always in communion with the Heavenly Father and obeying him.

Every family finds the end and meaning of family life by living in communion with God through prayer, study of the Word of God, and meditation. This value of the family is being diminished as families tend to become more and more nuclear in a fast changing world. Personal meditation and family worship are to be encouraged in order to keep up the unity and integrity of all families.

God gives relationships

Relationships are the cradle into which each child is born. There are only male and female in humankind / created beings. It is the web of relationships that gives dignity and respect for each person in the family and also enables members to perform their respective roles. All relationships are God-given, therefore they are divine. They are to be respected as sacred. They are to be maintained and nurtured since it through relationships that human life grows and carries out its purposes.

Love is the binding factor. Reconciliation between members brings peace and harmony. Justice is maintained by mutual respect. Everyone is considered precious and seen as endowed with dignity. The Holy Bible presents families as venues where interpersonal relationships are nourished and respected. Both the Old Testament and the New Testament speak about God – ordained responsibilities within the family circle.

The Old Testament speaks of families that take care not only of direct members of the family but also servants, dependents, animals and nature. Today the sanctity of all these relationships is forgotten and the freedom-loving new generation tends to ignore the God-given relationships.

Marriage today

How do we understand marriage today?

The following are some important concerns in relation to the state of this important institution today:

It is said that in America, ( I don’t know whether this is a somewhat exaggerated figure), people spend 95% of the time planning for their wedding and 5% time planning for married life. Is this true?

How can one balance one’s career with the responsibilities of Christian family (especially when your job is demanding in terms of time and stress)?

How can Christian families deal with financial issues in a marriage? (The #1 reason for divorce in the U.S. is a finance-related issue)

How can you become a good Christian model to your spouse and children?

How should one adjust to the New Extended Family (i.e. relationships with in-laws and associated family members?)

Coming from a closed patriarchal society, have we prepared ourselves and our children for changing whatever is inappropriate among traditional gender roles or “How do we understand the dialogue between change and continuity in the roles of husbands and wives – Past vs. Present”

Can we seek help in times of trouble rather than sweep our problems under the rug. This necessitates mutual trust and faith.

Who wants to get married these days? Is there anything wrong with living together (without marriage)?

These are some of the questions our present era raises!

Some argue: “We want to see how compatible we are by living together; if everything goes well we will proceed to have a proper marriage, if not, we will go on our separate ways.”

‘Living together’ is an issue that has definitely been much debated in North America & Europe, if not in other places, for the last few decades. It largely stems from motives of self-centered pleasure-seeking and is not really based on the couple’s deep sense of obligation to each other.

Some people co-habitate for the benefits of marriage without the risk of divorce or cost of commitment. They do not have to seek legal or religious permission to dissolve the union. This development has serious consequences.

Living together before marriage creates distrust about the institution of marriage and increases the risk of divorce. Here women suffer more than men. Commitment levels are low. The happiness and prosperity are momentary. It increases the risk of domestic violence as the commitment is not deep.

Children born out of wedlock endure greater risk of physical and sexual abuse thereby perpetuating the cycle of co – habitation. These are all detrimental to the sanctity of marriage and its stability. Convenience and economics should not be the only parameters when people decide about marriage.

So what is marriage?

Marriage is a divine provision; sanctified by the Creator. It is a sacrament – Koodasa. We turn to the Word of God to understand marriage. (Mathew 19: 4-6) It is the question of dealing with incompatibilities.

Marriage is to be approached with a view to ensuring its permanence. It is the question of taking a vow; to be there for each other as long as breath lasts. In marriage, you need unconditional love and commitment. Studies have proven that men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are properly married.

Choosing a life partner is important and needs divine grace. The process of leaving, cleaving and becoming one in marriage is a blessed one and at the same time a painful and hard experience which has to be properly understood and handled for building up a smooth married life.

Verbal and non-verbal communication in marriage is very important. Communication of love and hate, approval and disapproval, desire and dislike, hope and disappointment, must be understood properly for a successful family life. Both failure to communicate and wrong communication can destroy family life.

Marriage is for life. When two people marry, it involves the merging of separate patterns of living into a shared life. It is there that a family becomes the sanctuary of life, a sacred place dedicated to God.

Parenting is a great responsibility for both spouses. And it remains a common challenge. The distinctive roles of a mother and a father must be clearly understood and effectively discharged along with the common roles involved in parenting. In Christian families, it is vital for the parents to understand that they are the first Bible teachers and sex educators.

Talents & Stewardship

Marriage is considered to be a gateway for the setting up of the family and for carrying out responsibilities for the good of the members within and outside of it. Another area that is to be considered is the field of God-given talents and gifts. There is an exhortation that is given to the wedded couple towards the end of the marriage service before the final benediction. It says: ‘Remember that you are stewards of God in wealth, time and talents. Therefore set apart a portion of your income for the needy and the poor and for the mission of the Church.’

We seldom remember the fact that our time, talents and wealth are also meant for others. This feeling becomes strong when we realize that in the society in which we live, everything is paid for.

This Western culture has also crept into the East; whereby no one extends a service unless it goes with some sort of payment. Voluntary service is slowly dying out.

St. Paul writing to the church at Corinth (1 Cor. 12) speaks of the various gifts given to humankind. He says: ‘There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.’ Now to each one, the manifestations of the Holy Spirit is given for the common good.

Parents understand that children need their time, talents, and money. But we do not understand that an orphan is to be accepted as our own child. (Acceptance is a better word than adoption) Married couples understand that their time, talents, and money are to be shared with one’s life-partner. How about the widows in society who need financial support (Acts 6.1) when bread winners are gone? Is there reluctance on the part of parents to give extra support for the differently-abled in the family?

Moving on to the problems of the elderly, we find that most older people are worried these days about their advancing age. We know that they are to be respected and well taken care of. This was the practice in our home-land (tradition).

Human care, and service with a human touch, is getting lost, although there are exceptions among us in this land. But is it a fact that while Grandparents are needed for baby sitting, our children feel helpless to take care of their parents when they become like children because of old age? What is the model we have given to our children through our own lives? ‘We are helpless’ is not a good answer. Every Christian is called to give hope in a hopeless situation. God’s grace is sufficient to strengthen humans to attempt the impossible.

I have been hearing a lot that the Diocese should pioneer in this field to sort out this difficult situation. What is the solution we are proposing? Is it a viable one? Will we cooperate to attempt the impossible?

We live in a global world and I believe that everyone is aware of the process of globalization. In spirit, globalization is the process of transformation of the local and regional phenomena into a global one. In that sense, it can be described as a process by which the people of the world are unified into a single society and together function for the common good. This has become possible today through the growing unity of economic, technological, socio-cultural and political forces.

Certainly, globalization has provided new opportunities for the enhancement of life for many. Modern systems of communications have converted the world into a global village. But now this has drifted to the position where globalization refers only to economic factors. It attempts now to integrate the national economies into the international economy through trade, foreign direct investment, capital flow, migration and the spread of technology.

A good number of people in the beginning hoped that globalization of knowledge, exchange of ideas and movement of the people will foster a better living environment for all people of the world. But this did not happen. Hence, we need to be aware of the dangers and possibilities inherent in the process of globalization. The poor and the marginalized do not find protection and security under it. The gap between the poor and the rich has increased. The attention is more focused on globalization of the market and liberalization of trade.

It fuels the fascination of the people for financial profits. It paves the way for greater greed and for all kinds of manipulations aimed at achieving monetary ends. Take for example, the case of an average family among us. People work for 10-12 hours a day. The earnings generally go to pay mortgages, insurance premiums, taxes and household consumption needs. Those who manage to save some portion of income either invest in stocks, mutual funds or real estate.

Now with the economic meltdown, the sweat of such people has turned to nothing. It appears that our income is always inadequate!

Knowledge, science and technology are not simply human achievements, but God’s gifts, meant for creating a just and peaceful world order.

But humans are trying to use them recklessly thereby creating an unsustainable world order. Mahatma Gandhi once said that there is enough in the world for men’s needs, but not for men’s greed.

The future of the world does not lie in building a greed-based economy. It is high time that the people changed their life-style from accumulation of wealth and money to a life-style where we would take only what is needed and share the rest with the needy and less privileged. There is an urgent need for an alternative form of development that would prevent marginalization and meet the basic needs of the poor people.

Sharing, caring and supporting with a spirit of service are Christian virtues based on the greatest virtue of all, which is none other than love. 1 Cor. 12:31; 13:1-13. Gal 5.22. People in America (6% of world’s population) melt, burn, or eat over 50% of the world’s consumable resources each year.

An Indian philosopher said: “In caring there is a commitment to its well being and flourishing, a joy in its perfection and sorrow in its stresses and strains, a kind of knowing which maybe called knowing-with. When it is said that we could become aware of the presence of God in Nature it is through this experience of caring for things that we acquire a sense of the divine presence. It is not a mere intellectual understanding of things but grasping this complex unit of love, understanding, and service, which is caring, and sharing.

Jesus is the embodiment of God’s great love. (John 3.16) He has called us to follow him. St. Paul tells us to have the same mind as that of of Jesus (Phil 2) St. John reminds us that it is in abiding in Christ that we bear much fruit for the glory of God and for the manifestation of God’s love in the world. Since there are multitudinous forms of caring, we have multitudinous ways of knowing God.

Sin & Salvation

Sin called by any other name is still sin. There are several definitions of sin. This is not an attempt to state them one after another. One short definition says “sin is missing the mark.”

God has created human beings with a definite purpose. Missing that purpose is sin. See the Genesis story. Sin is primarily represented there as irresponsible action and disobedience.

The psalmist says: 14:2, 3 “The Lord looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there’s no one who does good, not even one.”

When a teacher of the law came to Jesus, calling him “Good teacher,” Jesus turned and asked him “why do you call me good?” God alone is good.

We have all fallen short of the glory of God. We sin if we say we are sinless and we deceive ourselves. (1John 1.8) Jesus Christ is our Savior. He has opened the way of salvation through His death on the cross.

1 John 1.7 says – ‘The blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin.’

Sin as alienation

God has given us a life in relationships. We have relationship with God and we have relationship with one another. Breaking the God given relationship is sin. St. Paul uses the word reconciliation when he speaks of salvation in Christ Jesus. 2 Cor 5.18,19 – All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We have relationship with one another. This is more intensely experienced within the realm of the family. Luke 15. 11-32 tells us the parable of the Father and two sons. In vs. 24 the Father tells the elder son that the younger son was away from home and hence was dead. Alienation from relationship is sin. In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ says that one should not call the other person a fool (5.22) and the one getting angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.

Salvation as Humanization

Dr. M.M. Thomas said: “The mission of salvation and the task of humanization are integrally related to each other even if they cannot be considered identical.” Humans live in interpersonal relationships. All relationships carry with them the baggage of God-given responsibilities. Caring and sharing are Christian virtues. Love is manifested in life and deeds. When we say that we love God, it becomes true only where we love our fellow being as well. (1 John 3:17 & 4:20b) The parables of Jesus remind us of the need to share our resources and to care for the Lazarus who is on our doorstep (Luke 16: 19-21).

We live in a world that is divided between the world of rich and poor. Mother Teresa said: “The poor are beautiful. Professor Mohammed Yunus, Nobel Laureate, said that poverty is not created by the poor in the world; the poor are in the state of poverty not because they are destined to it. Humans are responsible for the existence of poverty. Therefore, humans can eradicate poverty from the face of world, if they have a will to do it.

It is now obvious that greed and acquisitiveness are primary the sources of bondage. The existence of poverty reminds us of the sinful nature of humans. It is a violation of human rights and the perpetuation of an unjust order. The primary concern is not eradication of poverty, but the struggle against ‘Mammon,’ that evil force that creates poverty. It is this evil force in us that organizes itself within each person and among persons to make material wealth anti-human, anti-religious, and oppresive.

Jesus came to liberate humans from all powers that dehumanize them. Hence the liberating power of the Risen Lord is for all and it has to be shared, so that all can experience it. This is the Good News. (Gal 5.1)

The commandment given by God is summarized in saying that one is to love God with all their might, heart and mind and to love one’s neighbor as oneself (Luke 10:27).

Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan to explain who one’s neighbor really is (Luke 10:29-37). But how do you understand the commandment: Loving as one’s self? This is a hard nut to crack. Jesus demonstrated it by his death on the cross. And we hear him saying: I give you a new commandment, love each other as I have loved you (John 15:12). This underscores the importance of understanding others’ needs.

The great love that pervades the Kingdom of God helps us to have a deep subjective experience of it in the life of personal relationships. It can be described in the words of Jesus, “You are no longer two, but one.” (Matt 19:6) The ‘me-ness’ of the self is transformed into the ‘we-ness’ of the life together. This is the spirit of community life and the culmination of it is the salvation experience in God and in the Kingdom of God where communion relationships are real. In the Kingdom we have no marriage relationship, but only communion (Matt 22: 30).

Fullness of Life

Jesus said: I have come that you may have life and have it in abundance (John 10.10). Jesus’ passion for life led him to the suffering on the cross. The one who defended and proclaimed life was put to death; but He is the risen one. Resurrection is the affirmation that God’s last word is not death, but life. Life belongs to God. No one has the right to take it or deny it. Our church considers suicide as a human fall.

Death is not the end of life. We also believe in Judgment. When life is given to us to be good stewards, we are also answerable by the manner in which we live. Hence social evils are also sin. St. Paul reminds us that our body is the temple of God (1 Cor 6:19 & 2 Cor 6:16). It is an indwelling place of God.

Sin is not simply acceptance of evil ways or yielding to the power of evil but also misusing all that is good and noble in Nature. The Genesis story reminds us that humans are placed in Nature to work and to dress it (Gen 2:15). Any attempt to plunder or exploit the goodness of nature goes against the will of God and hence is sin.

Those who live close to the land and sea have developed a way of using earthly resources without destroying them. By polluting our water and destroying our forest, we cannot attain development. Caring for creation is a divine responsibility handed over to humans. The very idea of eco-spirituality is a matter of deep sensitivity and justice and humans have a responsibility to preserve and protect the God-given resources in Nature.

Global climate change is a great concern for the world today as it is fundamentally altering God’s creation. Earth’s climate is warming to dangerous levels; 90% of the world fish stocks are being depleted; coastal development and pollution are causing a sharp decline in ocean health, wetlands are disappearing as a result of seal level rise; and shrinking habitat threatens to extinguish thousands of species. To continue to walk the current path of ecological destruction is not only folly; it is sin.

As people of God, we are to maintain the bounty of this habitable Earth. Hence let us preserve and protect the world we have received as a gift.

Kingdom & Values

Jesus Christ, very God of very God, became incarnated as fully human to proclaim to the world, the Good News that the Kingdom of God was at hand. Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount has pointers to the values of the Kingdom of God. When we read St. Mathew 5, 6 & 7 it begins by defining the blessed people and ends with the exhortation to put into practice the words of Jesus. This is possible only by being rooted in God and growing in Christian values and by responding to the needs, concerns and interests of those in the world.

The Church is the family of families. The Church is not an entity by herself but an instrument of God for the transformation of the world. The goal of transformation is the establishment of God’s Kingdom. Therefore, the world is to be seen as an extension of the basic family unit. Family values are meant for the purpose of transforming the world into God’s Kingdom.

The Cross

The Cross of Jesus is the key to the Kingdom of God

There was a cross in heaven even before one was raised on Calvary.

That means the cross is at the heart of God. The cross is God’s design for the redemption of the whole created order.

As Christians we are called to follow Christ. This is possible only by denying oneself, taking up the cross and following him (Mark 8:34). The Cross remains as the symbol of crucifying one’s self. It denotes sacrifice and the reduction of one’s self to nothingness (Kenosis) (Phili. 2:7). It is interesting to note that it is the altar (Thronos), and not the pulpit, that is at the center of eastern worship.

The Cross is not the point of annihilation but a place of resurrection; resurrecting with the resurrected Lord. It is the point of mission and ministry of the Church. Realizing this spirit, St. Paul said: For me to live is Christ. (Philip 1: 21).Christians today are called to reveal ‘this new humanity in Christ’ and live in this world as Christ’s ambassadors (2 Cor 5: 20).

Renunciation

Jesus Christ, during his public ministry, said: The Son of man has no place to lay his head (Luke 9:58). This is indicative of Jesus’ life-style of renunciation. Thyaga is the Sanskrit word for this. It, not only means ‘to give up’ but also ‘to transcend.’ Jesus was not tied down to a particular place or bound by his close relatives. This has more meaning in the global world of today where one is not likely to have permanent interest in any particular geographical space.

This does not mean uprooted and left without any space in the world. Every living being needs a space in the inhabited world. But that need not make one worldly. Every living being, including the earth, belongs to God (Psalm 24:1). So the pilgrimage of life is to be always with God. Living life with a sense of communion with God is the way of the Kingdom of God.

The world today is materialistic and filled with consumerism. Making life safe and secure, rather than meaningful, is the main preoccupation of the majority of the people. There are also people who want to make life exclusively pleasurable in a hedonistic sense rather than purposeful.

Jesus Christ walked the streets of Galilee with the purpose of inviting humans to the experience of the Kingdom of God, and assuring them that it could be realized in their own lives. Jesus had no difficulty in dining with people while also willing to go hungry and thirsty in search of the lost, the least and the last. People mattered to Jesus. This is the nature of God.

In the modern context, Jesus invites humans to seek first the Kingdom of God (Matt 6:33). The world would have been much different if we all learned to say ‘enough’ after God has met our basic necessities and ‘no’ to things that are not absolutely needed( Phili 4:12). One needs the Grace of God to utter the words enough and no in the right spirit, at the right time and at the right place. Discipleship is possible only through discipline.

Service

St. John 13 portrays the ministry of service through the symbol of the towel and basin of water. Jesus demonstrated it to his disciples when they sat together for supper. The disciples were pre-occupied with the thought of understanding who among them was the greatest. So they forgot or ignored to give water for washing the feet of all who came for the supper fellowship. Jesus understood their mind and gave them a lesson by himself washing the feet of everyone with water and drying them with the towel.

When he finished, he returned to his place and said : “Do you understand what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord, rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set for you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”(Jn 13.12-15)

What do you see in the world? There is a very strong tendency in contemporary world to consider the individual person apart from the community. May I help you? What can I do for you? These are popular phrases that do not carry much meaning. When personal freedom is glorified and radical individualism is constructed, without any consideration for the well-being of the community, it deprives people of a shared experience.

Community living is very vital for the humans to survive. Deprivation of that increases the rate of suicides. It creates persons uprooted from society and devoid of community support.

The Church is a community in mission. There is a criticism about the Church that the Church has failed in her mission of community formation and community living.

The Church cannot remain as introverted, isolated or insulated from the rest of the world. The Church is to be the Church without walls; a place that welcomes people, a place where sinners are healed and restored. The Church can be the light of the world and the salt of the earth only by responding to the needs, concerns and interests of those in the world, freeing them from the powers of darkness and redeeming them from the possible process of disintegration.

This is the servant ministry of the Church. The servant rule is built on a structure of mutual accountability. Ephesians 5.21 says: “Be subject to one another, out of reverence for Christ.” This then is dynamic, participatory, and empowering.

Who ultimately are the ones that will be on the right side of the King in the Kingdom of God? Mt 25.34 says: “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take your inheritance, the Kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the World. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in; I needed clothes and you clothed me; I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison, and you came to visit me… Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25.34-40)

The liberating power of the risen Lord is for all and it has to be shared and experienced by all. The Church is called to give to the world an Alternate Way, the Way of the Cross based on Love, Justice, selflessness, sacrifice and servant hood.

“A city on a hill cannot be hidden” said Jesus and continued: “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven” (Matt 5:14 -16).

The Church can be an effective instrument only if it is prepared to address the issue by the exercise of servant-power. This is the model of Jesus’ life and ministry.

This takes away all selfish and manipulative power that can creep in the lives of individuals and communities.

It is ultimately from this model that we learn the values that strengthen family relationships.

Rt. Rev. Dr. Geevarghese Mar Theodosius,

Diocesan Bishop